Welcome to your Co/Lab peer group. This is not a networking group, a social club, or a board of directors. It is a circle of trust designed to help you navigate the complexities of leadership and life.

The quality of your experience depends entirely on the discipline, vulnerability, and methodology you bring to the table. This guide outlines the best practices for becoming a high-impact member.

I. The Foundation: The Ironclad Rules

Before meaningful conversation can occur, safety must be established. These two pillars are non-negotiable.

1. Radical Confidentiality

To share your biggest challenges, you must know they will never leave the room.

• The Rule: "What is said here, stays here." This applies to everything—business financials, family struggles, and personal fears.

• The Scope: You may not share another member's story with your spouse, your business partner, or even other Co/Lab members outside the group setting without explicit permission.

• The Breach: A breach of confidentiality is usually grounds for immediate expulsion. Trust is binary; it is either there, or it is not.

2. The Commitment of Presence

Your presence is the product. When you are absent or distracted, the value of the group diminishes for everyone.

• Attendance: Treat these meetings as the most important appointment on your calendar.

• Presence: Phones off. Laptops closed (unless taking specific notes). Be mentally fully arrived before the session starts.

II. The Communication Protocol: Experience vs. Advice

The single most critical skill in a Co/Lab group is avoiding "should" and embracing "I." We do not give advice; we share experiences.

Why No Advice?

When you say, "You should fire that person," or "Have you tried X?", you are establishing a hierarchy. You are the expert, and the presenter is the novice. Advice is often based on limited context and can be defensive.

The "Share" Method

Instead, you must search your own inventory of life experiences for a situation that resonates with the issue at hand.

Scenario A: Relationship Issues

• Instead of: "You should really talk to your partner about that."

• Say this: "When I was having communication issues with my spouse, I did X..."

Scenario B: Pricing Strategy

• Instead of: "Why don't you try raising your prices?"

• Say this: "In 2018, I faced a margin squeeze. Here is how I handled a price increase..."

Scenario C: Strategic feedback

• Instead of: "That sounds like a bad idea."

• Say this: "I once attempted a similar strategy, and my result was..."

The Benefit: The member retains ownership of their decision. They can pick and choose which parts of your story apply to them, without feeling pressured to follow specific instructions.

III. The Meeting Structure: Your Role

A standard meeting flows through distinct stages. Here is how to maximize your contribution in each.

1. The Check-In: Share your 10s and 1s

This is a focused update on your current state using a 1-10 scale. To maximize our time, we skip the routine updates (the "2 through 9") and focus on the significant outliers.

• Your 10s: Share a significant win, a breakthrough, or a moment of pride. This is where things are working exceptionally well.

• Your 1s: Share a real challenge, a frustration, or an area where you feel stuck. This is where you need support or perspective.

The Protocol:

• Categorize: Briefly touch on Business and Personal. You do not need a 10 and a 1 for every category; just share what is most relevant right now.

• Be Real: Avoid generic answers like "fine" or "busy." If you are facing a challenge, state it clearly. Honest sharing encourages others to do the same.

2. Laboratory

The Laboratory is the core working session of the meeting. There are several different formats for the Laboratory: Deep Dives, Open Coaching, Brainstorms, Topical Presentations, and Lightning Rounds. The Moderator will usually select the format based on the urgency and complexity of the issues at hand.

Here is your role in each format:

A. Deep Dives & Open Coaching Used for: Significant, complex challenges requiring emotional intelligence, root-cause analysis, and strategic clarity.

• If you are Presenting: Prepare a clear, concise statement of the problem (the "Presentation"). Be vulnerable. What is the emotional weight of this issue? What outcome are you seeking?

• If you are the Group: This format follows the strict communication protocol. You are not brainstorming solutions yet.

  • Phase 1: Ask clarifying questions to get the facts.

  • Phase 2: Ask "Why" questions to explore the presenter's perspective.

  • Phase 3: Share experiences (Gestalt), not advice. "Here is what I did..." not "You should do..."

B. Brainstorms Used for: Tactical problems where you need a volume of ideas, resources, or creative blocks unjammed.

• If you are Presenting: Clearly define the constraint. (e.g., "I need 10 ideas for a marketing tagline" or "I need a vendor for X").

• If you are the Group: The "No Advice" rule is suspended here. The goal is volume and creativity.

  • The Mindset: "Yes, and..." Build on each other's ideas.

  • The Action: Fire off ideas rapidly. Do not critique other ideas during the generation phase.

C. Topical Presentations Used for: Member education where one member acts as the Subject Matter Expert (SME).

• If you are Presenting: You are the teacher. Prepare materials or a framework. Respect the time limit. Ensure the content is actionable, not just theoretical.

• If you are the Group: You are the students. Take notes. Ask questions regarding application. Challenge the presenter’s assumptions respectfully to deepen the collective learning.

D. Lightning Rounds Used for: Clearing the deck of smaller, urgent items that require quick feedback.

• If you are Presenting: You have 2-3 minutes max. State the issue, the context, and exactly what you need (e.g., a referral, a vote, or a gut check).

• If you are the Group: Be direct and binary. This is not the time for storytelling. Provide the contact, give the "Yes/No," or answer the specific question immediately.

3. Accountabilities

Closing the loop on previous commitments. If you said you would do something last month, report on it honestly. Accountability is love.

IV. The Deep Dive Methodology

When a member brings a heavy topic to the group, follow this strict four-step process to ensure they get value without judgment.

Step 1: Fact-Finding (Clarification)

Goal: To understand the logistical details.

• Action: Ask questions that have short, factual answers. (e.g., "How long has he worked for you?" or "What is your current cash flow?")

• Trap: Do not disguise advice as a question. (e.g., "Don't you think you should fire him?" is advice, not clarification).

Step 2: Investigation (The "Why")

Goal: To help the presenter see the issue from a different angle or understand their own emotions.

• Action: Ask open-ended questions that provoke thought. (e.g., "What are you most afraid of if this happens?")

Step 3: Resonance (Experience Sharing)

Goal: To provide data points through storytelling.

• Action: The moderator will ask the group, "Who has an experience that relates to this?"

• Protocol: Share your story using the "I" language defined in Section II. Keep it focused on your actions and results. Do not preach.

Step 4: The Takeaway

Goal: Actionable commitment.

• Action: The presenter summarizes what they heard and commits to a specific next step. The group does not tell them what to do; the presenter decides.

V. Best Practices for High Performance

To get the most out of Co/Lab, adopt these behaviors:

• Lean Into Discomfort: If a topic feels awkward or scary to bring up, that is exactly what you should be talking about. Growth happens at the edge of your comfort zone.

• Silence is Okay: Don't rush to fill silence. Sometimes the group needs a moment to process a heavy share.

• Own Your Feelings: Use "I feel" statements. Avoid projecting emotions onto the group (e.g., "We all feel that...").

• Be a "Giver": Come to the meeting prepared to support others, not just to solve your own problems. The paradox of peer groups is that you often learn more from other people's issues than your own.